#143: Holding On (When Love Is Gone)
It's very hard to do, and that's no lie...
This draft is my 8th attempt at this opening paragraph.
Writing about culture feels very pointless right now. Despite my best ambitions, I’m not good at compartmentalizing my brain to deliver a newsletter filled with links to cool sneakers or oral histories of 90s movies right now. Given the state of things in the U.S. right now, it’s hard to have the same level of curiosity I usually do.
And what of ambition? It feels very odd to want to achieve things in this country despite so many depressing facts that show how unrealistic my aspirations are. I worry about sharing how I feel honestly. Know what’s messed up? I fear that people will unsubscribe if I dare tell the truth about how I think. I think that way because society has beaten into my head that nobody cares what you think; they only care what you can do for them. It is tough to think about productivity, clicks, and converting subscribers when all I can think about is what will happen to people who look like me over the next decade. Will my loved ones be harmed? Will I be allowed the same rights? Will I even be able to share how I feel in the first place without retaliation?
It’s hard to think about solving a problem when you can’t find inspiration or insight. I plan to dedicate this newsletter to those two concepts for October. To me, hope isn’t a rock. It’s a pilot light. Sometimes, the flame will get low. For me, having hope that things will turn out for the best is hard to do when you don’t have anything to spark that hope. Insight and inspiration are those sparks.
To me, insight = How to help your brain navigate what is going on so that you can think and act with a clear mind in the future when things genuinely get difficult. Inspiration = Reminders of the “why”. Why we’re here. Why we cannot ever give up. Why, in the words of a classic mixtape series, you and I must promise we will never stop going in.
In the meantime, reach out if you’re going through it. We have a little community here, packed with some of the best minds the world has to offer. My priority is the community’s health and success around this thing, so I want to help you as much as you’ve helped me thus far. We will get through all of *waves arms wildly* this and we will do it together.
In the meantime, remember to keep your head up.
CULTURE THING:
People with roommates/partners who have different tastes in movies: How many times have you sat down with your roommate/partner to watch a movie and spent more time arguing about what to watch instead of actually watching anything? If this sounds like your situation, a solution to your struggles has arrived.
Meet Serendipity. Serendipity is an AI powered recommendation engine for anything you want powered by the equally fascinating and terrifying GPT-3 neural network.
Using Serendipity is a simple process. Users add examples of three movies they like and the AI network produces a list of movies they think you’ll enjoy based on what you submitted.
Let’s try it. In this hypothetical, my wife and I want to watch a movie but can’t agree on an option. I want to watch a comedy. My wife wants to watch a drama. We both agree that we love dark comedies. So we fill in the list with movies that fit those criteria:
Here’s what it suggested:
Give it a try for yourself via the link below. Serendipity could help settle those “what are we going to watch tonight?” arguments once and for all.
MUSIC THING:
For the folks looking for new music, here are all of my playlists that have 100+ subscribers on Spotify. (The # of subs is in parentheses next to playlist title.) ALL PLAYLISTS SHOULD BE PLAYED ON SHUFFLE UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED.
HONORABLE MENTION: These playlists are close to 100 subs, hint hint.
Put this on while cooking (97 subs)
Missy Elliott The G.O.A.T (96 subs)
Cool Hotel Pool (89 subs)
Cool Dive Bar (80 subs)
RIP HERB KENT (528 subs)
The best soul playlist you’ve never heard.
Older Millenial Instant Party Starter (125 subs)
If you graduated high school between 2002 and 2007, you will love this.
Cool Men’s Boutique (122 subs)
Maximum vibes, multiple genres.
The Source’s All-Time 5 Mic List (110 subs)
I almost called this playlist “Rap Music 101” originally. Don’t embarrass yourself talking about rap unless you’ve heard every thing on this playlist.
HOW TO HELP BLACK LIVES IN 30 MINS OR LESS:
Carve out 30 minutes in your calendar this week. Call it “Being A Better Person Time” or “Set a Good Example for my Kid” Time, whatever works.
Do one thing in that 30-minute window. Click a link. Make a call or donate or sign a petition.
This weekend, share the above link. If you have a group chat, drop it into your group chat like “Hey, I’m worried about how things will be for future generations, so I’m doing something about it by calling/donating/signing a petition. If you’re interested, here’s the link!”
Repeat the following week for as long as you can. Do it while you online shop, do it while you’re on an annoying call, hell, you can do it while you poop, I don’t care! Whatever it takes! It is the absolute least that you can do, but you’ll get a sense of accomplishment and the knowledge that you at least did SOMETHING to help.
BONUS: You have a vision of who you want to be, right? That ideal version of yourself that does the right thing when given a chance and leads by example? This is that chance. Just think: you won’t have to lie to your kids or grandkids about being on the right side of history! You can say “Children/Grandchildren, we don’t tolerate that racist shit in this house. If anyone says otherwise, send them to me.” and you’ll sound tough and cool and your kids/grandkids will respect you and not want to be racists…and oops, guess what? That means less racist people in the future!!!
Look at that. It turns out you had a bigger impact than you thought the whole time! You can do it!
MARKETING THING:
For September, the Marketing section will be dedicated to helping you beat imposter syndrome and get better at self-promotion.
A recap of what we learned this month:
We took a test to see where we stand with imposter syndrome.
We outlined tactics about how to overcome imposter syndrome.
We learned about the specific types of imposter syndrome.
We learned the scientifically-proven 10 steps to eliminating imposter syndrome in ourselves once and for all.
The general consensus I’ve read about imposter syndrome is that it isn’t unique and that it requires consistent practice to overcome. My hope is that the info shared in this section this month gives you the tools you need to stop doubting how much you have to offer.
One last important thing before we leave this topic for now:
I believe in you.
Yes, you! Yes, even though I may not know you personally! Yes, even if you don’t have what you think everyone else does. I believe in you even if you feel like you’re too old or too broke. I believe in you even though you don’t have ____ or you didn’t learn ____ or everyone in your lane has _____. I believe in you even when you don’t believe in yourself.
You can do it. Yes, you can.
ANNOUNCEMENTS:
My mom mentors this group of middle school boys in Atlanta that started a club to figure out how to impact their community in positive ways. They currently are doing a really impressive to help the special education students in their area who are struggling. Watch the most adorable video ever and help them out, won’t you?
SUPPORT THIS THING:
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For the people with tight shoulders and necks from being on screens all day long aka everyone reading these words: Do these! They work!
Office Hours with Ernest Wilkins is written and curated by Ernest Wilkins.
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